Broken
by Shirley H (Edinburgh SoBS Group)
I found myself sketching images of how I was feeling after I lost my eldest son Roy. He was 38 years old when he took his own life. Leaving two children whom he loved, and three brothers and a sister.
As Roy’s mum I was in a state of shock and trauma, I felt as if I had experienced an earthquake, I was on a different planet and the earth shook. My life became surreal as a family, we were all shattered as we tried to comprehend what had happened to this beautiful man who was loved by so many, family and friends.
I can’t remember exactly when I drew this image, somewhere in the early years, however it is an image of being lost in sadness and confusion.
It has been over 10 years since we lost Roy and at times, I miss him so much with a longing for him which is as keen as in the beginning. The difference now is, this is occasionally not as it was in the beginning, as then it was all consuming.
I am immensely grateful to say coming through all of the challenging emotions, we are a family glued back together. Albeit with pieces missing and many cracks which let the light shine in and we can feel joy together. This is something very precious because in the early years I thought I would never feel joy again. Roy is held in our hearts forever with warmth and many fond memories.