Crocheted Blanket: An exercise in creativity, mindfulness, overcoming anxiety and procrastination
by Jacqui W
I would hate to admit how much stuff I have at home as a result of my futile attempts to be creative, as a means to relax, and overcome my depression and anxiety.
Part of my anxiety I now realise are my fears of “getting it wrong”, “not doing it right” and “making a mistake”. I am certainly not a perfectionist (well I don’t think I am). I have loads of colouring-in books “to aid relaxation” that are untouched for my fear of “ruining” them. I have taken drawing and art classes, yet still have that fear of the blank page and “not being good enough” (hence this art submission).
I have kits for knitting, sewing, arty stuff, macrame and goodness knows what else, opened and put back in the box ready for “the right time” to start it. (When is the right time….is there ever?) I have goodness knows how many ideas in my head of things I want to try, when I’ve time and……..you should see my Pintrest!
However, my anxiety, depression and procrastination means I put it off and don’t start. This may be because I/we have this belief that being creative or doing something enjoyable is a reward. I have visions/memories of the days when knitting, sewing, making etc., was done in the evening “when all the jobs are done” and so because my jobs are not done, then I feel guilty.
This Spring I (yet again) bought a (another!) kit, this time for a crochet blanket. I have managed granny squares in the past, but I’ve hmmm never attempted a big project (I wonder why?) or been able to master reading a crochet pattern. This kit came in the form of a CAL (Crochet Along), the pattern is sent to you in instalments week by week, with tutorials and a social media group to share progress, ask about mistakes, rant and show off our achievement etc…. (really, what was I thinking!?)
I started 4 weeks late (procrastination). I don’t know whether it was because the pattern was broken down into instalments, so I wasn’t as overwhelmed at how much there was to do, how difficult the pattern was, or obsessing on how much I had to do to complete it (anxiety).
I don’t know… I can’t explain. Anyway, after 8 weeks, finding it strangely meditative and mindful (relaxing), I managed to complete it. It does have mistakes but I don’t care!
So…. I am not going to apologise for the mistakes. Let’s call it personalisation. I know it’s not perfect but it’s perfect to me, embracing the imperfections (fear of getting it wrong!)
Lo’ and behold – Crochet Blanket (you are welcome to touch it, hold it and to look for the mistakes).
N.B. it may still be a while before I totally overcome the blank page fear….